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Those that last decades, fighting tooth and nail over every spoon, chair, and penny, and 2. Those that seem to simply dissolve quietly before our eyes, as if it had all only been an illusion in the first place. The first type may end up in the media — depending on how extreme the fighting gets, or how much money is at stake —and second type le us to believe that divorce is simple and routine — like laundry or grocery shopping. No matter how easy someone may make it look, the pain, disappointment, and sense of failure are the same for everyone. Not every divorce is caused by some big life changing event such as infidelity or abuse.
You are living with a feeling of mild discontent that is exacerbated by the arguments and disagreements you have. You fight and argue, and sometimes it feels like the end of the world. Sometimes that feeling grows as your patience shrinks. You have a wonderful family day at the zoo, or a romantic dinner at your favorite restaurant for your birthday, and it feels like old times.
But that day out or date night was an anomaly, and you quickly drop back into your regular routine of quiet unhappiness. Whether it is your brain or your heart that ultimately makes the call, you decide to stick it out a bit longer, because things will get better — or be different — soon.
Whatever our brain decides is the is primary justification for remaining in unsatisfying or downright miserable relationships, there are really only a few reasons why we stay in unhappy marriages. Here are the top three. Many people in self-proclaimed unhappy marriages say that they stay with their spouse for the sake of their children.
Once we become parents, much of our decision-making is focused on how a particular decision will impact our children. Nobody wants to see their children upset and scared. The fact is, however, that in order for your children to have healthy relationships, they need good examples of what healthy relationships should be like. If you and your spouse are constantly fighting, then the example you are setting for your child is that being unhappy is ok. It is your responsibility as a parent to value your happiness, as a model for your children and the standards they should set for their own relationships.
The funny thing about memories is that we only remember certain things — the really good things and the really bad things. All of the middle moments just sort of blend together. So when you look back at the life you have built with your spouse, there are a few key memories and moments that spring to mind, and since the actual emotions you felt are long passed, you have ghost emotions that are typically much stronger one direction or the other than it Why do men stay in bad marriages during the actual event.
For example, if your honeymoon was mostly pleasant, with only minor bumps along the way, chances are you will remember it down the road with the softened lens of time. The details and negatives fade out and the memory becomes more positive than the initial experience actually was. Our brain can use this to trick us in a couple of different ways. We let our perception of past events control our future, instead Why do men stay in bad marriages critically looking at our goals and making a educated decision on whether our current path will allow us to accomplish Why do men stay in bad marriages.
Regardless of what other reason your brain may generate for you, the 1 reason why we stay in unhappy marriages is fear. Fear of change, fear of loss, fear of what their future will be like without your spouse. Fear is what keeps us from making really bad choices in our lives. In this instance, your fear was justified and helped to preserve your life and health.
That is what fear is for. It is when you become immobilized by fear that things get tricky. Inaction is the best friend of fear, and they love to work together to keep you from moving forward. You have done new and scary things your entire life, from taking your first steps to rebelling against your parents, even getting married!
The fears that you have overcome have defined who you are as a person, and those that you allow to rule your life do the same. People have the ability to strap themselves into a harness and jump off a bridge with just a single rope attaching them because they understand exactly what will happen, when it will happen, and what safety measures are in place to protect them from damage. They have researched and weighed various factors, and have decided that the potential outcome is worth the risk.
Those people we see who seem to have it all together as they seamlessly navigate divorce with no second thoughts have Why do men stay in bad marriages secret. They have struggled with the same emotions that you have, but they have decided that they are worth more or their life can be more that it is in their current situation. So how have they gotten to this point of quiet confidence? They have most likely reached out to an expert to explain the process and help them understand what divorce can mean for them, their finances, their family, and their future.
A family lawyer does more than assist you with filing paperwork. Reaching out to a lawyer when you are considering divorce can help you to understand what life could be like outside of the restraints of your marriage. Many divorce lawyers work to expose the unknown so you can be confident you are making the right choice for you and your family, regardless of whether that means you will be pursuing divorce or not. A divorce lawyer can fully explain all the options available to you, recommend counselors, answer all of your questions, and address any concerns you may have about the divorce process, child custody and support, or any other aspect of your life post-divorce.
Speak to an experienced divorce lawyer who can help you understand your situation, and get a full analysis before you do anything. You just may find that — with some concerted efforts, or a few sessions of marriage counseling — you could already be living your best life. An outside perspective may help you recognize and appreciate what you have, and what your marriage could become with some time, patience, and support — or you may gain the knowledge and tools you need to overcome your fears, enabling you to leave your unhappy marriage and start a new, better life for yourself.
Tracy Mccole is a legal researcher and writer from sunny Orlando, FL. Where I can see the point of the response above it should also be noted that making changes to save a marriage will most often require both spouses. When only one is willing to put in the work or the other lives in denial of their own issues divorce seems like the only next option to consider. Related Content. Add A Comment Cancel reply. Written by an author that makes all her money from people getting divorced. Follow Us on Social Media.
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